My thoughts continue to explore the limits set by my civilized Western authority. The realms you tell yourself not to broach, I live in them daily. I live on the outskirts of sanity, reaching, grasping for a way to make them ok....But I know they aren't. That's why we leave them in the dark. That's why we shield our mind's eyes from these concepts like a mother shields her young children from a gory horror scene. We all have terrible thoughts we try to steer clear of... The difference is, these days I don't try. These days, instead of running from it, I want to explore the secrets of the dark. Of course, I'm terrified, but by this, all the more intrigued.



Those borders of sexuality our churches tell us not to defy, I embrace them passionately. These states of substance unreality, I make my new reality. Those levels of intimacy, of real human emotion, of uncertain caring and expectant probing,  I explore regularly with strangers. I am in DANGER OF LOSING MY MIND! But somehow I am loving it. I am hating it. It's destroying me. It's abhorring me. I am losing my definition of self and concurrently creating a new one. One I like. One I don't. And I am thrilled at the new human I am becoming.